Credit: Reddit

Collecting all of them is worth as much as collecting none of them.

“Completionism” is an odd compulsion, sort of a spin-off of perfectionism. If you don’t have the whole set of something, it’s worth as much as having none of them. It’s that kind of completetionist mentality that drives the collectible market. Of course, what you have to realize is that collectible trading is extremely fickle; what may draw a surprising wad of cash one day is completely worthless the next. If you’re still hoarding one of these kinds of collectibles in the hopes of funding a trip to Acapulco, you’re about to be really disappointed.

Beanie Babies

Credit: Getty Images

Ah, the classic. I loved all stuffed animals growing up, and I had quite a few, but that was more because I was kind of a toy hoarder. If anyone told me “that Beanie Baby will be worth something some day,” I’d probably just look at the ratty plushie in my hand and say “no it won’t.” There are definitely some rare ones out there, but yours probably isn’t one of them.

Happy Meal Toys

Credit: McDonald’s

As cool as some classic Happy Meal toys were, you can’t get beyond the fact that they’re just cheap, plastic toys with limited features and functionality. They’re not meant to look good on a shelf, they’re meant to be manhandled by a kid’s salty fingers and then forgotten in a toy chest. Heck, even if little Joey doesn’t chew on them, you may find it difficult to keep the cheap plastic from degrading just by sitting there.

Pogs

Credit: 20th Century Fox

Boy, give a raise to the guy who successfully marketed cardboard circles as a cool playground collectible. There’s really no getting around it; it’s a piece of cardboard. You could quite literally make your own Pogs with some art supplies in ten minutes. I don’t think anything a kindergartner can make in arts and crafts can qualify as a valuable collectible.

Baseball Cards

Credit: Old Sports Cards

Baseball cards were bigger in the age of Babe Ruth. Back then, baseball players were like superheroes, regularly demonstrating feats of incredible speed and strength you couldn’t see elsewhere. These days, we have superhero movies, so that doesn’t really jive. Not that anyone in the league right now could smack ’em like the Bambino, anyway.

Hot Wheels

Credit: Michael Shaffer

Hot Wheels are awesome, but there’s just so many of them, there isn’t really any way of determining which ones could even have potential value. The makes and models seem to change constantly, to the point that no one can quite seem to agree what the first model of Hot Wheel actually was. It’s not so much that they have no value as it is basically impossible to wrestle value out of them.

Pokemon Cards

Credit: Amazon

I’ll make you a deal: you explain to me how to actually play with Pokemon cards in a single paragraph, and I’ll acknowledge they have any financial value. Ready? Go.
…
Yeah, didn’t think so.

Vinyl Records

Credit: Noble Records via YouTube

Record collecting is cool, but more for its own sake. Vinyl produces a particular fidelity of sound you don’t get from CDs or digital music files, and everyone should experience that. If you’re hoarding records because you think the Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame will pay you for them, you’re sadly mistaken.

Royal Family Stuff

Credit: Greg Wood/AFP/Getty Images

For the life of me, I will never understand the Royal Family mania of the last couple of decades. I mean, they’re good looking people, sure, but just because you call someone a princess doesn’t mean they have cute woodland critters making dresses for them. A plate with the royal couple’s faces on it will not appreciate in value. It’s just a plate.

Funko Pops

Credit: Reddit

I hate these hideous things, and I know I’m not alone. Yet, for some reason, you can’t escape them. They’re at every game store, book store, conventions; I see them at the grocery store sometimes! I don’t even know how a collection would potentially become valuable. Collection value is determined by the wants of wealthy collectors, and wealthy collectors collect better things than Funko Pops.

Stamps

Credit: Shutterstock

Since the beginning of civilized society as we know it, no sentence has been more proficient at preemptively decimating potential friendships as “wanna see my stamp collection?” No. Nobody wants to see your stamp collection. Nobody thinks stamps are cool. Not even ironically. And before you say “but my collection is worth a lot,” no it isn’t. Stamps may be valued very high, but no one actually buys them at asking price.