Credit: Disney

“This is all cheapo loser candy!”

Candy is dandy. No matter how old you get, everyone loves to have a good piece of candy (medical conditions and nutrition standards permitting, of course). But as with all snacks and foods, there are a handful of candies that, were you to ask a hundred people Family Feud-style, the vast majority would likely express distaste for them. You’d think, with the bleh reputation many of these “treats” have garnered, companies would just stop making them. But no matter how much time passes, loser candy is eternal.

Candy Corn

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The unquestioned king of loser candy. Nobody likes candy corn, they tolerate candy corn. When I ask someone “do you like candy corn,” the answer is always either “no” or “it’s okay.” Despite being one of the most meh candies ever produced in the history of sweets, we just can’t seem to be rid of the stupid things. I think it’s the color; it’s subliminal hypnosis or something.

Circus Peanuts

Credit: Weaver Nut Sweets & Snacks

I have a critical weakness for marshmallows. I would go as far as to call them one of my most favorite foods, sweet or otherwise. So by that logic, I should love circus peanuts, right? No. Very much no. Circus peanuts are like marshmallows with crippling depression. They chew like clay, taste like sand, and cause a stomach ache after around two pieces, and I would know. I have to re-learn that lesson every few years or so.

Tootsie Rolls

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Tootsie Rolls are what I like to call “filler candy.” You fill up half a candy bowl with them, then put the good stuff on top, and it looks like you’re overflowing with candy. Unfortunately, all that’s underneath the good stuff is cheap, waxy disappointment. Though, one caveat: the fruit-flavored Tootsie Rolls, Fruit Rolls, are actually pretty good. The fruit flavor meshes better with the waxy texture than chocolate.

Hot Tamales

Credit: HEB

I have never, in my entire life, seen anyone willingly partake in a box of Hot Tamales. Candy is not supposed to be spicy, unless it’s for joke purposes like cookies with peppers in them. Hot Tamales are just concentrated lumps of pain and cinnamon, and I think we’d all like to forget about the cinnamon challenge from last decade.

Raisins

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Let me first clarify that I do not think raisins are bad. I like raisins; they’re a healthy, tasty snack, and they’re good for your colon. Raisins are not, however, candy, and anyone who dares to give out boxes of raisins on candy-centric holidays should be deeply ashamed of themselves. Unless, of course, they’re covered in chocolate or yogurt, in which case they only need to be slightly ashamed of themselves.